Happy Endings

I was at Happy Endings the other night – a sports bar, not (as I originally thought) one of those ‘special’ massage parlors. I sat sipping my Gin and Tonic and listening to a friend talk about her crazy new roommate. It seems like LA is full of unstable people just waiting to move in with you. This particular one’s name is Phoenix Rising………pause for reaction……… Yes, that is his legal name. According to my friend, he changed it some years ago but if you ask Mr. Rising what his original name is he boldly proclaims, “There was nothing before Phoenix Rising!!”

I fade in and out of the bad roommate stories and as I look around the bar I notice quite a few interesting characters. There’s man with a pirate eye patch, a gentleman playing pool who looks like he walked out of “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine,” and a girl who appears to be taking a vacation from the rigors of the Playboy Mansion. I imagine all of these people would be strong candidates for the ‘Roommate From Hell’ position. But a couple of days ago I might have considered them.

I was lonely.

I returned to LA on Monday and was excited to be in sunny California only to find June Gloom. Friends were understandably busy, auditions had slowed down and the lack of a “House” marathon pushed me over the edge. I was officially lonely in a city of millions.

I used to be afraid of loneliness, almost ashamed that I wasn’t always able to be content. In LA it seems that most people are on their own – unmarried with no immediate family and with their best friend painfully absent. But despite this, it is rare that I hear anyone admit that they are lonely. It’s like the giant elephant in the room that everyone refuses to mention despite the fact that every now and then it slaps you in the face with its trunk. As if, admitting it, would mean it will eat you alive.

I’ve learned, after one too many chocolate overdoes and tearful conversations with my best friend, to embrace the emptiness - to breath it in and let it take me for awhile. Loneliness is something to accept along with traffic, heat, and another missed callback. Loneliness reminds me that I need people (and that people need me.) And that’s a nice thing to know.

The loneliness passed in a day or two, friends started calling, workshops started happening, my life in LA took off again and the feeling of contentment....like a phoenix rising....returned.

(Oh, come on!! I couldn’t help it.) :)