Friday, February 18, 2011

Knock Knock

A few nights ago, I almost kicked one of my friends out of my apartment for criticizing my blog.

It started out innocently enough. We were chatting about Hollywood and auditioning and we somehow landed on the subject of my blog.

This friend (who works in the business) told me that he loves my blog BUT I needed to make a significant change.

I paused.

What now?

I looked at him like I might stab his eyes out with my pen and said as casually as I could:

Oh really? What an interesting opinion. What kind of change?

And while I’m not usually open to unsolicited criticism about my writing I tried to keep an open mind.

He told me that he thinks I write from the perspective of a girl who really wants to be a part of Hollywood but feels like she never will be. So instead I make fun of it. He thinks I should try writing with more of an ‘inner circle’ perspective.

There was a slight pause as I mulled this over.

I thought he might have been right. So I said:

You are totally wrong! How can I write from the inner circle when I’m NOT IN THE CIRCLE.

There was a moment of akward silence as he looked at me like I was the most amusing thing on the planet.


I demanded.

Ummm, sweety, you ARE in the inner circle.

I looked around frantically as if I could see some kind of bubble around me.

My friend smiled again.

It’s just easier for you to make fun of it than to be a part of it.

And that’s when I kicked him out. That kind of truth has no place in my apartment!

But I’ve actually been thinking a lot about it.

I do make fun of the industry because it’s easier to take their relentless rejection that way.

And it’s easier to write about what a nerd I am and how I will never be “that Hollywood girl, thank GOD.”

Because, secretly, I want to be one of them. I want to be in the club.

I thought about that as I was walking to my most recent audition at Warner Brothers.

The last time I had been on this lot was for my first big audition ever. The audition that most of you will remember as the “maxi-pads audition.”

I had been a mess. I had been wide-eyed. I had been excited to just be there.

But this time, I walked onto the lot and suddenly felt like this was a place I deserved to be everyday.

This was a dream of mine that had somehow (without my noticing) inched closer and closer to becoming a reality.

I had been knocking on the door of Hollywood for so long I hadn’t even noticed that someone had opened it. And they were just standing there looking at this blond nerd who just kept banging her fists against nothing instead of stepping inside.

Well I’m done knocking.

And as I walked to my audition something changed. I didn’t feel like I was visiting anymore. I belonged there.

Hollywood can be stupid. And fake. And a little ridiculous. But dammit – I deserve to be a part of it.

No – let me rephrase that.

I AM a part of it. 

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Always A Bridesmaid

I’ll be honest.

I haven’t seen most of the films nominated for an Oscar.

What? What was that? Oh! You think that as an actor I should really take the time to see the films?


I’ve been too busy working three jobs, auditioning , and going to acting class.

All to (and here’s the kicker) someday hope to be there, at the Oscars, wearing something that costs more than my car.



This year, instead of going to a glamorous party with glamorous people (aka drinking too much champagne with Noah and sobbing our eyes out at every speech) I’m working.

For an Oscar Nominee.

That’s right. My degrees of separation are narrowing! I now know (and occasionally work for) an Oscar nominee.

The conversation was surreal.


Hi, Jessica. This is Name Protected. I was wondering if you could come watch our child for the night of Feb 26?

Sure! What time?

Well, we have to be there for the red carpet so…

Red carpet?

Yeah, another Oscar Nomination. (SIGH) Always a bridesmaid….

Yeah. That must really be a bummer…

So another year will go by with only the inside of my shower hearing my acceptance speech. (It’s riveting.)

But that doesn’t stop me from guessing who will be nominated.

These are my official predictions based solely on trailers, rumor, politics, and a hunch.

· Colin Firth in “The King’s Speech”

· Christian Bale in “The Fighter”

· Natalie Portman in “Black Swan”

· Melissa Leo in “The Fighter”

· “The Social Network” David Fincher

·”Exit Through The Gift Shop” Banksy and Jaimie D’Cruz

· “Inception” Hans Zimmer

· “The Social Network” Scott Rudin, Dana Brunetti, Michael De Luca and Ce├ín Chaffin, Producers

· “The Social Network” Screenplay by Aaron Sorkin

· “The Fighter” Screenplay by Scott Silver and Paul Tamasy & Eric Johnson;
 Story by Keith Dorrington & Paul Tamasy & Eric Johnson